Since leaving the big city in favor of a slower Montana lifestyle, we have been overwhelmed by the great people we have made friends with and the terrific schools that our children are blessed to attend.

Unfortunately, my family is frequently ridiculed in public places by these same good people when my youngest son acts out. The most recent episode occurred at a wedding rehearsal last week. My six-year-old son didn't want to be there, so I took him outside the church where he began yelling, screaming and being disrespectful. He wiggled around on the ground and wouldn't listen to me.

One of the women bringing in flowers obviously couldn't stand to watch my child yell at me anymore and had to say something. Her remarks are something I hear all too often. She said, “I don't want to tell you how to raise your child, but I raised four boys and a good swat always made them respect me..”

My only comeback to people that pass judgment on my parenting skills is to let them in on my secret. My son Adam has Autism. It affects Adam's behavior, thought, perception and attention. He is not mentally retarded, and is actually quite intelligent. Adam has problems with social skills and communication. He can make lots of noise, be disruptive, sometimes has difficulties interacting with other people, and can display extreme distress or have temper tantrums for no reason. Autistic kids don't have control of their behavior most of the time and don't even know they are acting up. These actions are not a result of “bad parenting”, and there are ways to deal with these outbursts; however, punishment is not one of them because this behavior is mostly involuntary.

Many area residents continue to pass judgment on us when our son is out in public “acting up”. To be courteous, we often leave a movie theater 30 minutes into a show or leave restaurants halfway through a meal for the sake of the other patrons when my son becomes disruptive. Thank heaven the woman carrying the flowers at the wedding rehearsal didn't have to endure any of her kids having a debilitating disorder like autism. Had I given my son a swat as was suggested, it would have sent him into a tailspin and a huge tantrum would have ensued. Undoubtedly, it could have ruined the wedding rehearsal not only for my family, but also for the bride and groom.

Daily life with a special needs child presents many unique challenges that make life utterly different than you expect it to be. All I can ask of the casual observer is that before you pass judgment on me or my family please put yourself in our shoes. I'm sure in the coming years I will continue telling perfect strangers that my son is not a bad kid, he is autistic. The next time you see a child having a tantrum and a mom or dad is frazzled, stop and think about their situation, and that maybe they aren't bad parents, but struggling to stay calm in the storm around them.


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